This form is to be used prior to any probable body recovery operation when the anticipated subjects of said dive are available to provide the required information.
Identification: This area is reserved for the soon to be deceased diver to enter their personal information.
Name _____________________________________________________________
Next of Kin's name ____________________________________________________
Next of Kin's Address __________________________________________________
Fill in the following blank before continuing.
I ________________________________________ have been identified as a candidate for a recovery dive. I am about to begin a (circle one) deep / cave dive for which I am unqualified, untrained or just too fucking stupid to survive. To assist the recovery team, I've agreed to fill out this form. In the event I am unable to read and write, it is being read to me and my thumb print will be on the form, provided I have opposable thumbs.
When my lifeless body is retrieved, the disposition of my gear is left up to the recovery team. I will leave my car keys and wallet with this form in the attached plastic bag. Any money found in my belongings goes to the recovery team as compensation for their efforts.
I further acknowledge my impending demise is solely due to my lack of functional frontal lobes and in no way hold the diving community responsible. Further I choose to ignore any signs with the words 'Stop' , or pictures of Grim Reapers, as well as practical words of caution from competent divers.
Training and Pertinent Background: Please initial all applicable choices.
Cave Certifications:
____ I am fully cave certified but disregard my training where possible
____ I have some cave training but want to dive beyond my limits
____ I have no cave training and never heard of Darwin
Trimix and Deep Air:
____ I have Trimix certification from a box of cereal or similarly reputable franchise
____ I have been fully trained in Trimix, but I'm too cheap to buy the gas
____ I have been fully trained in Trimix, but man I love that narcosis buzz
____ I have no idea what Trimix is, but I got a lot of air in my tanks so I can go deep
Gear, DIR/GUE Knowledge, and Mental/Physical Health Statements: Please initial all applicable choices.
____ My gear is maintained using the best zip ties and duct tape that money can buy
____ My regulators were serviced before I bought them six years ago
____ My dive wings would make a dominatrix happy
____ It's all rented so it has to be good
____ The lights on my helmet looks way cool
____ DIR lists files on old computers
____ When I see WKPP I want to buy a vowel
____ GUE is found on movie theater floors
____ I have seen people exercise and would like to try it some day
____ Fuck exercise.
____ I have no history of any disease that could affect diving. I destroyed or hid those medical records.
____ Prozac doesn't interfere with my diving
____ I avoid the use of illegal drugs by drinking heavily.
____ I have cut my smoking in half and only do two packs a day
____ I never smoke (while underwater)
_______________________________________________ _____________________
Soon to be Deceased Signature or Thumb Print .............................Today's Date
_______________________________________________ _____________________
Witness..................................................................................................Today's Date
This completes the Pre-Recovery candidate's section of the form. The local diver completes the next page.
Pre-Recovery Candidate Observer Form
Fill in the following blank before continuing.
I _____________________________________________ have taken the required steps of trying to warn the candidate of their eminent doom. The pain in my head from explaining why this is a pointless loss of life is no longer bearable. I therefore resort to this form to document an effort at saving the recovery team some time. I further acknowledge Darwin is correct and this must be the criteria for evolution to take place. I can only hope the candidate has not yet succeed in breeding with another human.
Steps taken to spare the dive community this embarrassment: Please initial all applicable choices.
____ I made a serious but friendly effort to advise the candidate of the danger.
____ I briefed the candidate on where proper training could be obtained
____ I did not laugh at the incredible clusterfuck the candidate intended to use for gear
____ I was unable to get close enough to the gear to sabotage it
____ I (circle one) was / was not able to obtain a representative of the candidate's clergy for final rites
____ The candidate's spouse is attractive and I have the contact information for use after the recovery
_______________________________________________ _____________________
Recovery Diver or Local Observer ....................................................Today's Date
_______________________________________________ _____________________
Witness Today's Date